I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
