got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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