I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
