I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
