sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
