Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Randomize