He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just found a bag of teeth...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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