she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
im holly from the hills drunk
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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