Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
