so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
