I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
