I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Damn victory sex feels great
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
