it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
