Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
