one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Randomize
