She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
