If i could tip my vagina, i would.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
