Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize