Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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