My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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