i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I would fuck him just for his dog
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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