The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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