your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
