hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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