Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
