Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(949): View more from California

so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...

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(912): View more from Georgia

Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze

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(712): View more from Iowa

Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen

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(607): View more from New York

Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis

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(410): View more from Maryland

I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera

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(708): View more from Illinois

There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.

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(770): View more from Georgia

You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.

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