I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
