Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I enjoy the company of your penis
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
