Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
