I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
