i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
