I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
