I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
