You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
