if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
