Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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