who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
