I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize