Umm I'm too high to move.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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