I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
