Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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