It's a beautiful day for a hangover
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
