i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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