For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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