Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
