Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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