why didn't you poke me back
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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