maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
