So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
