I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
