i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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