it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
