i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
