Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
