its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
