Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
