very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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