they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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