he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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