I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
