Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
