Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
