Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
