i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
