smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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