Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
