Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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