I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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