Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
they're like a gay fantastic four
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
