i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Randomize
