I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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