i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
