i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
