1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
