We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
how does that bad decision feel?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
