STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
