he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize