just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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