Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
