i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
