this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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