he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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