I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
