So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
