you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
