I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
