dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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