I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
