your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize