he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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