Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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