ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
