guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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