I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
