I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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