i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Randomize
